Passage 8

Melina felt like she was the teenage mom as she was making preparations to take care of her nephew as she made arrangements . Switched shifts or called in multiple times even pulled overtime in order to secure extra money and food for her nephew that she felt it was her responsibility because he was a baby and he didn't understand. Her nephew didn't know any better as he was raised to be given everything he wanted since he was the first grandchild born. Her father's family all the while was leaving harassing voicemails on the answering machine warning Darwin to stay away from their son's wife and children as even though she was divorced from my father they couldn't leave well enough alone. Brenda and John was an insufferable couple that believed Darwin had stolen my mother from her son and in reality he requested her divorce for her to keep her children. Had he known she didn't care any more for the children than herself than perhaps the choice to release her for his children's sake would have been reconsidered. My mother was a selfish person and she did nothing to defend Darwin as he went to the tape and just laughed a little as he erased the threats he received . What John didn't understand.was Darwin was collecting a crazy check from the state and threats didn't work on the crazy type. My mother knowingly allowed a person collecting a crazy check move in the house with her teenage daughters and didn't bat an eye in concern.at all. Melina also saw traits in her nephew that needed to be corrected but no one was willing to disapline the small child that was now drawing and touching power outlets and putting everything in his mouth. He was one years old and drinking entire cups of coffee because the adults gave it to him not thinking it would hurt him to drink coffee . He was the first born grandson and putting fingers in the light socket down to eating dog food from the bag wasn't corrected. Melina remembered the many times her sister Paula would tell her to put a screw in the light socket knowing it could hurt her so she could get a laugh from her weed inspired friends. When Melina told mia it shocked her in response they all laughed at Melina's stupidity to want to follow her sisters instructions. " Did you know if you put a screw into a light socket it vibrates ." Melina remembered saying to her sisters as she wasn't stupid but didn't know any better as she was left to her own devices in a instrument of learning. Her sisters burst out laughing as Melina watched her young nephew reached for the light socket as no one moved to stop him. Melina reached over and grabbed the young child as she pooped his little hands to prevent him from getting hurt as she had wished her sister had the same concern for her. The look on mia and her mother's face when she scolded the child away from danger was in anger and disgust as they yelled at Melina for finishing the child in question. " He needs to learn . Certain things can hurt him and he needs to learn." Melina protested her attack from being a doteing auntie . " You are not his mother . You don't get to tell him he is wrong ." Defended her mother as she saw Melina overstepped her usefulness other than free babysitter and caregiver. " She is just jealous he is the baby of the family and she isn't the baby anymore." Added mia as Melina was sidetracked as the sheer perception of the situation and the lesson at hand. They thought Melina was just jealous of the baby . After all the early morning feedings when he would be screaming his head off because his parent slept through anything to her washing him. Changing him. Feeding him. Bringing him home old food she begged for and in exchange took the security of a set payment to avoid a raise for old food to feed her nephew . To working in a children's clothing store to get discounted baby clothes to keep her nephew in clothes as he grew. To the nights she had to cancel plans she had with friends because she had to stay home with her nephew when Paula decided she didn't want to help. She was being accused of being jealous of a baby because she was trying to be a good person and protect him from harm . Protect him from a neglected life that she was exposed too. Sure she was overcompensating her care and devotion to him as angry thoughts came to mind and her boss words ringing this is your sister's child so why are you taking care of him passed through her thoughts. " I'm jealous of a brat that can get away with murder . Because I'm the baby of the family no more. When he grows up needed bailing out I will not be the one who does it as I have now seen I have over extended my welcome as long as I am trying to show him structure . When he grows up and commits crimes because no one and I mean no one will teach him right from wrong then I will remind you of this very moment. Take you son I hope he turns out better than he is raised ." Melina said as her prophetic words dropped into the minds of the shocked and angry faces that glared at her. " Melina !" Yelled her mother. " No. Also he isn't my responsibility to watch him. I cancel entire events because of him so you can go and live your life. I sit at home while you hang out with friends and skip work and he drinks one bottle all day long and doesn't get touched until I come home for school . So you take care of your child as I'm so jealous of a baby." Melina said as she marched to the room feeling like they took advantage of her as she slammed her room door shut in anger. Melina knew her being the way she was with her only nephew was her over compensating the love of a mother she never got . She had seen how proper families acted and how hers acted. Her mother wasn't a mother but an adult teenager. As the words of the new age generation would say that she wasn't adulting today or any other day if she could help it. So when Melina took over the responsibility of taking care of her nephew a baby whom only knew what he was shown her adult mode activated and her mother bear was in full force. She didn't want her nephew to ever experience the things she had to go through. Her concern for her nephew and his well being came for love from her broken heart for a mother she never got to love as a daughter should love a mother. Melina's mother would fight in the yard and play football with the boyfriend of the week from whatever tragic mess her sisters brought in . Melina hated having friends over to stay the night because she was stuck watching a baby and not going out with friends like a normal teenager. She would leave the room to get a pizza or snacks from her room and her mother would be in the room hanging out with her friends and telling them all Melina's most embarrassing secrets she kept well guarded from them for a reason. Her friends would come to the conclusion Melina was boring and lame but her mom was cooler than Melina ever could be. This would happen so often Melina's crowd went from many girls to only one friend that would still speak to her and only in passing. When she would get her friends time her mother would make her give her two weeks notice before friends were allowed over and some nights Melina had to cancel her plans because her mom would forget they were to come over and refuse to get food and pitch a fit and tell Melina she couldn't have company over because she didn't tell her or didn't want anyone in the house . She really wanted her boyfriend over the house and Melina was ruining her social life trying to micromanage her daughters schedule. When she wasn't micromanaging her daughters life she was aiding and a bedding the tortured existence of a troubled youth. Melina's mom would crack jokes insulting Melina as her mother helped poke fun at Melina all the while embadressing her as he friends thought her mom was so cool and Melina was boring and lame. Melina went to school as girls snickers and whispered about the gossip her mother said about Melina as Melina was popular now she was the outcast. This made it harder for Melina to adapt to middle school even more as not only was her mom trashing her reputation at home her school teachers kept calling her mia as she looked like her sister Mia in the face. Because mia was such a rebel in school everything Melina did was watched and payed attention to. Whispers of girls calling her nasty names like whore or sister of a whore as Paula made her mark on the boys in school as well. Because she was a McNally everyone knew of her and her sisters. She would get sent out of class with the name of mia McNally on the office slip as Melina looked down to feel invisible and insignificant that even teachers did know her first name . Melina would get detention at school and because they all said mia on the paper demerits Melina was looked at strangely showing up to detention when she wasn't even on the list . Melina just stop showing up to Saturday detention because they couldn't get her name right . One day Melina had enough the girls were passing notes around the class and the subject of the famous note was about how her hair needed brushing, and cutting. How she needed new clothes from this decade and how she needed a new face to replace the ugly face she had. Melina saw the note as the girls snickered about melina's appearance or lack there of . When Melina read the note where half of the class participated in making rude comments about her and she never did anything to them at all she lost it . Melina grabbed the desk of the girl who dropped the note and showed her and the desk into the wall. " Mia McNally that is it in school suspension for you. I'm tired of you disrupting my class. Here get out of my class." Yelled the science teacher as Melina ignored her as she glared at the rude girls now looking scared. " Did you hear me. Take this demerit and get out of my class now." Yelled the teacher now in front of Melina as she picked at her nails and laughed as the class watched her ignoring the teacher. Mia get out !" Demanded the teacher that is another demerit for insubordination." She said writing another note out as she had three written already and Melina didn't even budge . She called the principal to come handle Melina as she was at wits end from this disobedient child in her class room. The principal came in to see what was going on and then tried to hand her the demerits . Melina looked at the notes and rolled her eyes. " Why won't you take the notes? " Asked the principal as he held the notes in his hand . " Because all year long she has been calling me mia. And all year long these little girls over here has been talking bad about me and she ignores it. All year long I hear my families name in their damn mouths and not once do they get my name right . I am not mia . Mia is my older sister I am Melina and I'm tired of getting in trouble for things they think I have done and didn't do it because of my sister who isn't even in this school anymore." Melina yelled as the realization the teacher had been calling her the wrong name all year long. Even marking her grades incomplete because she didn't know a Melina Mcnally. " Fuck there is two of you." Blurted out the teacher as Melina gasped at her response. " Yes the fuck there is. I'm Melina Mcnally not mia McNally so next time you write my name on your stupid little demerits that don't mean shit to me other then a free study hall away from you write down Melina not mia otherwise I don't answer to names that isn't mine. Do you understand that or do I need to spell it out for you." Melina said as the class gasped at the time from the girl who never really spoke or made waves but she was handling the teacher and didn't care the principal was there to witness. The principal escorted Melina out of the room and took her to his office to cool down as he spoke to the class and the teacher about the treatment of Melina . She fumed inside how invisible she was to everyone except when they were making fun of her or trying to punish her. Yes she could have handled that better without the disrespect or the swear words but after an entire School year of her being ignores and called another name she was at her wits end. Melina felt like she didn't matter to her family as she was ridiculed by her mother for not being normal like her sisters. How she was no fun and she was too safe . Melina did admit she acted more like an adult than like a child , but what could she do other than act like the adult because clearly there was no actual adults around her to allow her to be a childish and worry free. In melina's mind when you teach a child the world too soon they should in return never be childish again. This sage wisdom of her present made her the adult in this scenario as adults didn't take her seriously as she was just a child to the world but in her family she was the adult. She remembered when her grandmother on her father's side got sick and was placed in a nursing home and then was removed from nursing home neglect. Her grandmother had breast and brain cancer and she was basically losing her mind and was wearing adult diapers. Her grandfather refused to help his sick wife as he sat and drank his life away because he was also dying of brain cancer and refused to get medical help. Melina was dropped off at her grandparents trailer as her grandmother also called her mia and she helped her and washed her . Changed her adult diapers . A sight no grandchild needed to see the suffering. For those few weeks her grandma was nice to her because she thought she was her beloved mia. But when she realized she wasn't Melina everything she did for her didn't matter. She was once again criticized for her not being mia. Today was the same concept. She was invisible but she was tired of it. She went to school. She cooked and took care of her nephew and sisters. She worked to bring home food and clothes and all this was at the price of her social life, time,money, and freedom. What other choice did she have but to be an adult in a family full of children. Her outburst was her being fed up with being seen as a child because at this moment at this time she was the furthest from a child as her mother was a functioning adult.