Try outs

Melina had boys interested in her but it was mainly school yard necessities. They would meet at school dances or between classes or the lunchroom but none of them really stuck. One day she met a boy the same age as her as he also had been held back two years not because of circumstances but because he just wasn't academically inclined. It's gentler words he was pretty stupid. Melina went out with him as her sisters had been bringing boys in and out of the house for years, and mia was married at seventeen . Melina decided she wanted to have her guy friend over too as he was a boy of worldly experience and he had already lost his virginity a year prior to a serious girlfriend when he was thirteen. Melina knew eventually he would want the same from her but Melina didn't like being hugged little less touched in that way. She was still on edge from the last guy who tried to touch her . Melina told her mother and when her guy friend came over Paula was assigned to sit between Melina and the boy named Danny. Melina grew confused how Paula and Melina had boys practically living with them at age twelve but she could be alone with a boy without her sister sitting between them. It wasn't fair the stipulations that was made for her.The one time her mother was being a mother she was cock blocking Melina from the normal teenage experiences that she ranted and raced over the dullness of Melina's lane existence. Melina had a boy over as did her sisters had many boys over often alone in their room doing sinful things ,but Melina was not to be allowed the same privileges as her sisters were afforded.It was ludercis . Absolutely unfair, and bias. Melina was always invisible to her family. Even when she was invited to her new in-laws holiday gatherings now mia was married to their grandson Melina always met the same measure of being forgotten.They never had gifts or words for her other than awkward explanations of forgetting that Lora McNally had another daughter other than mia and Paula . Melina was met with awkward indifference as they would offer her ten dollars for their forgetfulness of her existence.While her sister even her mother opened Christmas ggifts she got to sit in the kitchen and eat with ten dollars in her pocket like the hired help and not a recognized family member. After a while of this treatment Melina just went to get a plate of food and sit in the car until the festivities were over it wasn't like she would be missed anyways. But the one time she was seen at all . The one time she mattered . She had to have supervised dates and wasn't allowed to leave the house . Her sisters were having threesomes and orgies but she wasn't allowed one date alone with a boy her age without her sisters sitting between the two to make sure she didn't end up with a baby in her belly. The way Melina saw it if they had already written her off as a girl with lose moral or intentions to be lose in moral she was going to make them a believer of corrected assumptions.Melina layed over her sister Paula's lap and went for a tangled kiss not caring if her sister was in the way . Paula pulled them apart and got pushed out of the way in the progress. Melina was going to make her point clear how hypocritical it was to complain she had no social graces to be a normal teenager but she was blocked from normal practices of a teenager. Paula became angry and yanked the boy in question off of Melina and resat down in her position and then it happened again. She got tired of babysitting the hormonal teenagers and made the boy leave the home as she realized she was failing to block her sisters efforts in the moment.Melina smirked knowing damn well she was showing them that they could block her but she would find a way to make a point to be recognized. Paula was the type of girl that if she wasn't the center of a boys attention it offended her very soul to see others take her spotlight. Tonights little antics were purposely and willfully a show of Paula's weakness and jealousy of her sisters admirers . I knew she would spaz out and refuse to supervise us knowing she was not at all in control of her own hormones little less anyone else hormones.To be honest I didn't really feel anything in a heated sexual way when I was kissing or touching a boy. It felt awkward and I felt ashamed I was allowing someone to touch me at all. I would allow it momentarily until it made my skin crawl and I had to get distance to reflect being intimate with another person at all.When I was in the system the girls there was not kind about their raising . Often Scarlett would force her affections on me to the point where she would hold me down in the closet so no one would accidentally see her assult. In that time period I would close my eyes and hope she would stop because telling her to stop got far worse consequences of her retribution. Many nights she would do this to me as I knew she was doing this to me because it was what was done to her and she was only showing me what she went through . System kids sometimes became the predator after they were the prey. She was my age and she knew what to do and we were seven years old then. Just like my first foster home with Danny who was also my age but she was a baby when she was adopted and she acted on habits she was shown by the people who were biologically suppose to protect you.We all are a product of our raising and in return become a replica of our traumatic experiences. Some who are abused in this way end up permiscuious like Paula finding intimacy as a way of feeling loved and never feeling validated until she is physically loved even though her feelings didn't exactly match up with the actions. The other path was becoming like their predator. Their evil rubbed off on you and it was in their blood and warped their mind into thinking it was natural to hurt others the way they were hurt so they don't feel like the victim anymore but the predator to accept what needed to be done by harming others how they are harmed. Redirecting their trauma into another's pain.Like Scarlett was with me and when I rejected her advances she became bored with me and fearful I would expose the monster she had become. The third path was like me. Where I was scared to be touched and something as small as holding hands or hugging made me feel uncomfortable and I couldn't bare it for extended periods of time. Where touching me took trust and cause issues with substaing a healthy functioning physical relationship. Up to this point any guy I dated or school yard relationship as long as we were just friends with no physical contact I was fine and the relationship was good but it was when they wanted more . When they expected more from me I became numb and shut off. I recoiled from anyone touching me or attempting to touch me. Then entire time I was acting like a normal teenager kissing a boy to make my sister insecure in her bed to be touched it made me feel dirty and all I wanted to do was get as far away from him as possible. I wanted to sit on the other side of the room and reflect on the shivers that I felt down my skin. The trimmers of every inch of surface he touched on me and I couldn't feel anything or refused to acknowledge any sensation normal of a passionate make out session.Me being a normal teenager was impossible for me and I don't know if I would ever be able to even if I tried. Someone having that type of access to me made my skin crawl. Made me shut down emotionally where I was a numb shell and I couldn't connect to people the way they wanted to with me and I would dump them before they figured out I wasn't normal.

Melina went back to school as her and Danny acted weird around each other as Melina felt weird she gave him a small sliver of hope he would be anything other than a means to an end. Danny lost interest in Melina when she avoided and ignored him enough. Dana and my mom had soured as my mother's second attempt in ruining another child's life backfired tremendously. Dana was becoming more defiant and at age thirteen she was sleeping with multiple boys now she had gotten a little taste of her lust. My mother tried to disapline her because her father didn't do anything to her when she would get smart with my mother. Dana and Melina would get into knock out drag outs. Around this time she thought her father would have stopped his own daughter from getting hands put on her but he didn't . When Melina's rage would become to much and she could feel the beast build inside of her as she began to lose control of herself she would curl into a fetal position trying to prevent her from becoming so angry she showed herself in front of her family. Her family didn't know what Melina was capable of and she listened to the warnings from her hunter that harming her own could make it worse on her bloodline. Not that at the moment she care too much for her family but what she did care for was the continuation of her family. She would curl up mid fight when she felt the power responding to her anger and this earned her the name awesome possum as her family made fun of her for freezing up in a fight . But she was trying to save them from her. While they were teasing her she saved their lives. Dana would get upset the lack of her father's willingness to stop the fights and she would scream and yell about anything she didn't get her way with . Dana's fights weren't limited to the sister she now had but also the step mother. My mother was a naturally immature person and she used secrets to hurt people and didn't have a filter for tact or feelings. Like an over grown teenager but when Dana and her would get into it. My mother said one of the most unforgiving words that could come out of her mouth to a child who lost her mother at age two. Dana always screamed she was not her mother which was true for the most part but my mother told her no she wasn't her mother and she was glad because her mother was dead and that she was the only mother she would ever have. Dana took this to heart and that night she left the house to go live with her memaw and her and my mother's relationship never mended. Dana resented my mother from deminishing the memory of her mother and her father did nothing to stop her from leaving. This is what the problem with parents who really didn't want kids in the first place . They let them do what ever they want but when it comes time to disapline or any form of punishment they push them until they run away. My mother did it to Jamie , and to Mia, even Paula . She was not a good mother at all and when she finally decided to be a mother she didn't fight fair. She fought with cruel intentions and even crueler aftermaths. Melina had known this day would come as she realized since her family thought so little of her with her trying to raise her nephew she decided to let one of her jobs go to free up her time to be a teenager. This included her mother's newest development of making Melina feel like she couldn't be left alone. Dana was accustomed to playing softball for the ball park every since she was four years old and it was her thing. Because it was her thing my mother did the duty of a pretentious step-mother and drug me to these practices multiple times a year. I found the concession stand partially interesting as I went and loaded up on chicken tenders and fries box with a side of jalapeno covered nachos with extra cheese and a huge sweet tea. I usually sat on the bleachers during this time and ate my heart out waiting for me to be taken back home as Dana fussed about something that went wrong in the practice that day. Granted I haven't ever picked up a softball in my life all the most I've done was have wild pitches flung at me by Dana when she wanted to play. I played some basketball with the boys and did some brief cheerleading and messed around with soccer a little,but I wouldn't particularly say I was athletic enough to be considered a jock. My forte was writing short stories, poetry, and finger painting since my mother would only buy me dollar tree paint sets that was water colors with no brushes or paper. So loose leaf paper was my canvas and my fingers were my brush. I remembered my biological father would draw and write poetry in my many forms of illegal birthday cards I received over the years even though I've haven't seen him since I was five in order to say I got my talent from him. I sat there on the bleachers content in my spread . About to enter the only bit of happiness that I could afford . I had always thought my love of food would make me an easy target because all it would take is a food truck to kidnap me. I got about two chips in my mouth as I was there to watch Dana doing softball tryouts which if you really think about it all ballpark tryouts were just player placement because no one ever really was turned away . If you were really bad they would make you the bat person . You know the kid that gathered all loose baseball bats or fetch balls that went over the fence . Then out of nowhere I heard my name called over the announcements. The sheer look of confusion that came over me was astounding. The first thought that came over me was what about my food. I just sat down . Seriously what the fuck? I ignored it like I didn't hear it and kept on eating because no one told me to be prepared to try out and I have never picked up a ball or a glove in my lifetime and if I had my way I wasn't about to start either. Then I heard my name announced again as I shook my head as I knew how to ignore my name I have had a decade of experience ignoring people around me. Then my mother grabbed my arm making me drop my food on the bleachers as she shoved a glove in my hand . " My food." I protested as my small window of happiness was ruined by my mother as she shoved me on the field . I walked out there as I didn't even give a heads up on what the hell I was supposed to do. " What the hell am I supposed to do with that?" I said to my mother as I was upset I was torn away from beautiful food that was probably going to be eaten by my mother just because she did things like that. You know eat people's unsupervised food. She shoved me out on the field as I stumbled into position as it seem I had no choice at the moment. I was going to try out for a sport I had never played in my life whether I like it or not. I stood there with my softball glove as I didn't want to do this. I stumbled through the tryouts hoping they would tell my mother I was so bad that I would insult the game itself just being near the field. Turned out I was a natural at softball and did pretty well and this pissed Dana off more than having to be my step sister. Dana was very competitive and she didn't like anyone who was better at anything that she was good at. I made the team and what confused me I wasn't even trying. All I wanted to do was eat my food and go home to go hide in my room and pretend like the people that lived in the house with me were circus entertainers that left me alone. I had a book that was waiting for me to finish it as my mom got me a old fashioned type writter for school reports as the teachers required all school reports to be typed instead of hand written in our version of illegible chicken scratch . I used that type writer to work on my books . We all came home as the coach gave us practice schedules and a supply list of the registration fees and uniforms. At least we got to chose our names and numbers on our jerseys . My name i chose was mickey as I had various mickey mouse shirts I wore often as it was the only things my sisters wouldn't steal from me . And my number was nine since it was my favorite number at the time.