Nothing Without Love
It was a hard week for Bucky seeing this totally diffrent person instead of the grace that needed protecting was strange and seeing the violence she went threw to stay alive for him. He didnt know really how to talk to her anymore or even what to say because this wasn't right. It wasnt normal for him anyway. When steve found him he was broken but she had an iron clad will that could change the world for the better. He wished to god he could fix what he did to her and take back what he must have done to her to make her violent.
"James come on you have been bruting all week! Come on I am making cookies," she smiled as he looked up at her and all he could see was the video he saw.
He must have done something to her right? No one in there right mind would love him as the winter soldier or still care about him as much as she did. Maybe he did hurt her. Maybe he.... he didnt want to think about what he could have possibly done to her. Her kindness knew no bounds but she was being extra nice to him. She was trying to get him to talk. Trying to get him to do anything with her but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Im good thanks..." He sighed as he had to get away from her.
He got up to leave but then he felt a hand grab his arm. It was Grace. His grace. This woman who some how still showed him love that he felt like he didn't deserve. The woman that promised to keep him safe even though he didn't deserve that either. He had hardly done anything for her. He lied to her, he didn't fight for her not to be locked up. He didn't do anything and now she was here with him. Baking cookies like it was the most normal thing to do.
"James whats wrong? It's like i killed your dog or something," she smiled as she turned him around so he could face her but he couldnt do it.
To him she was an innocent kid he couldnt remember her past the first contact he had with her and then seeing what she had done. It seemed like he really loved her but what if it was forced? He didn't want her to stay with him if he had forced her to love him. He didn't want that for anyone.
"Im fine just have fun and remember to clean up," he said as she held on to him tighter.
"James we have been friends for 70 years plus! I know when something is wrong now please tell me," she said as he pulled away from her and wouldnt look at her.
"I cant remember that Grace, i dont even remember giving you that name or anything about you. I don't remember your favorit food or what we talked about. I dont remember anything about you! But you remember so much about the old me and the winter soldier me and me now and I have no idea how. You even tried killing yourself to protect me even though I cant remember a damb thing from our past together and you have been hiding a lot of stuff from me.
I know you have, i feel it. I knlw you want to keep me safe but i dont rhink i can take this anymore. I dlnt want you to feel like you have to protect me frkm everything including yourself. I want you to be happy anot feel like you have to babysit me." he explained.
"Because i want you to be happy, its why i havent told you some things. What you did to people in the lab under hydra wasnt okay. What they did to you and me wasnt okay. I do remember alot of it because they did a half ass job on me but you they made you a perfect wepon and you were never that to me. I always wanted you to be happy even if it wasnt with me and thats all i ever cared about. I fell in love with you from the first time you put your hand on my glass cage, when you stormed my room after you were brainwashed and killed the seven guys that were in my room trying to tie me down to experment on me, and now with your kind nature. I never stoped loving you or trying my hardest to stay alive in hopes one day i could see your kids or grand kids even. I didnt have a life before you and i owe you so much and at the same time i owe you nothing because I still see the guy I fell in love with all those years ago. Sure he changed a bit but everyone does and im not afraid of change," she said as he looked at her.
"How? How can you still care about me so much when all i have done is hurt you?" He asked.
"Simple really because all i want is your happyness and it seems like you found it. You dont really need me any more because you got this wonderful group here by your side. I know I'm from your past and I messed a lot of stuff up for you and I'm sorry. Once hydra is gone then i will go to so you can have your peace," she said as she she was about to leave.
"I saw a part of the tape of us sleeping together did I force you?" He paused.
"Force me? No you didnt I did it because I loved you. You even tried to kill me to protect me you know. I tried distroying all the bad tapes I cant belive that one got threw. Sorry James i should have done a better job," she smiled weakly.
"Still protective of me?" He asked.
"Always," she smiled as she left but he paused.
He had to get to the bottom of this.
"Hey grace I want my memory back how do I get it back?" He asked.
"I don't know seeing me didnt help so I'm not sure. But time will tell," she smiled as she walked off.
He hated not knowing what else he could have forgotten. What if it was important, life or death important. He really wanted to know how he was before his mind and memories were erased. Was he abusive or was he actually nice? What grace lying to him about being kind to her? He didn't know and it was driving him crazy. At least she still loved him if that is what you would call it.