The clang of the gates will be what Cassidy remembers. They are her first memories of the Mangrove Juvenile Detention Center, and they will likely be her last.

That sound is going to keep her awake at night.

That sound is going to haunt her for the rest of her days.

But she’s not there anymore. She is back at the scene of the crime. She is back where her childhood ended just under ten years ago.

She’s back home.

Happy Birthday, Cassidy… her present this year is a whole house full of traumatic memories. Also known as… family.

She jumps a little when the chain link fence around her property clangs shut behind her.

She stands in front of the door, almost frozen… but unsure of the protocol here. Does she knock? Does she just go in? How exactly do you approach the place where you lost your childhood, where you were ripped away from your entire life, to be locked away for a decade?

She decides to knock. She doesn’t know what reception to expect; she doesn’t know if she will even be welcome.

The knocks sound loud and heavy to her ears, but before long, she hears the shuffle of feet moving towards the door.

And then it swings open.

And standing before her is her big sister, now 27, looking like she is the one responsible for the entire world, exactly like she did ten years ago.

“Yes? Can I… Cass? Why didn’t you tell us you were getting out?! We would have picked you up!” Clarissa stands still for a moment, as if she can’t process the image in front of her, but as soon as she realizes who it was, she lunges forward and sweeps her up into a big hug, the kind of hug that can only come from a big sister.

“Clary, I do actually still need to breathe.” Cassidy laughs a little while she squeezes her big sister back just as tightly.

“Right, sorry. Come in, come in. Lottie is out, and Mom is… god only knows where but Lottie will be so happy to see you. She misses you.” Clarissa practically drags Cassidy into the house, dropping her bag on the bench near the front door and leading her towards the kitchen.

“Is it okay that I came here? I realized we never really talked about what was going to happen… after. Not that we’ve really talked at all recently.” Now that she’s here, now that her sister seems to be happy to see her, she has so many questions, so many blanks that need to be filled in.

“Of course, it’s okay that you came here. This is your home. Can I get you something to eat?” Clarissa is already fussing, looking through the fridge to try to find something to put in front of her sister.

“I’m okay, Clary… I really just need some sleep. Is my room still available?” Cassidy is making no assumptions about her place in this house, in this family.

Clarissa stops, just for a second, but she stops. When she starts moving again, the tension is clear in her voice. “We had to do some room shifting after you… left. So there is absolutely still a room available, but it’s… Mom’s old room.”

“Mom’s old room. Right. That room. Well, it makes sense she wouldn’t want to sleep in that room.” Cassidy is already standing up and heading towards the stairs.

“Cass! We can… figure something out… maybe Lottie wouldn’t mind sharing? She really has missed you.” Clarissa watches her beloved sister move, her shoulders slumped as if she realized just how much they haven’t thought about her recently.

“It’s fine, Clary. I’d rather have the room to myself; I haven’t had a moment of privacy in a decade. I’ll see you in a bit. I really just need to get some sleep.” Cassidy doesn’t have the energy to make her big sister feel better about how their family chose to move on. It wasn’t her fault that it wasn’t a possibility for Cassidy.

“Dinner will be at seven. Did you want us to wake you up if you’re still asleep?” Clarissa wants to take away all the hurt, but she can’t. There isn’t anyone who can.. not really.

“No… I’ll just get something once I’m awake. Don’t worry about me.” Cassidy waves and trudges up the stairs, opening the door to her mother’s old room, now her room. She flops face-first onto the bed, surprised that it’s still made up, but figured it hadn’t been cleaned in a while. None of that matters to her… she really does just need to sleep.

And she does.

Until she wakes up suddenly, barely able to catch her breath, haunted by the sound of those godforsaken gates…. still clanging in her head.

Pathfinder

The Clang of the Gates

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