Watching

I watched the woods like it was calling to me but I knew what my hunter did was not for me but for his secret of helping me to stay a secret. I had learned many things by watching him during her time with him. The bigger problem was watching him as he saw her powers progressing more then his teaching capabilities. She stayed away from him because she knew tempting him with his mission was the last thing she needed to do.
Mia had started to run with another crowd as she started hanging out with a rougher crowd. Mia had gotten it in her head she was going to stage an escape from Melina and Paula as her and Paula made secret plans to break Melina and her out of the group home that evening. Mia had secured a ride and a place to hide us as the later reprocutions that followed wasn't planned as helping us run away was her main goal. Since she wasn't in the system she figured neither should we.
I remembered that night as Paula had a habit of sneaking cigarettes from a few girls as they stood outside the laundry room door located in the back of the house to smoke them in the back porch around eleven at night. It was like her small point of willful definance as she was planning to leave that night.
Let's relphrase that. She was planning on running away and not telling Melina the plan. Melina thought Paula was acting strange of late and noted her brazen behavior of late with her beginning to aquire demerits and she was on suspension from the squad because of them.
Paula was nice to me as she tried to tuck me into bed like a good older sister would to a younger sister and had Melina not know her sister that well nothing would have gave it away. But Paula being nice was concerning. She was never nice even when she was nice.
Melina pretended to go to sleep as she watched her sister leave thinking she was asleep. She followed her to the end of the yard knowing she wasn't protected from the dangers she knew outside the perimeter she blessed for her safety. She watched Paula run to the fense as headlights came into the view outside the gate and Melina knew Paula was leaving her here as she had seen enough . She turned towards the house as she ran into a tall lanky girl named Jessica that she had known her and Paula had past problems with each other .
Jessica tilted her head in the direction I was returning from as I shrugged my shoulders as I went back inside and she went further outside. I was heartbroken what I saw and later on I realized mia would just take her as she tried to get in the car and she kicked Paula out unless she had Melina with her. Mia wasn't going to risk the break out of both of her sisters didn't come together. Paula's selfish intentions had backfired and mia drove off without Paula.
Many years later I do remember that night but never questioned Paula about it until when mia and Melina was adults the truth had came out that Paula purposely tried to leave Melina even after she protested that Melina said she didn't want to leave . A lie that best served her purposes and it backfired badly .
This kind of selfish resolutions would be the focal point of her entire purpose in life. It was then Melina realized Paula only cared for Paula and the hell with anyone else that wasn't her. She was like an island in her own ocean full of lies and self serving descite . This was not the sister that would be on your side but one thing was for certain Paula was always on Paula's side a lesson Melina got burned by many times in the future because she held out hope people can change .
Melina went back inside to bed not realizing the war she created . She gave Jessica just what she needed to plot against Paula as she ran and banged on the house parents doors and the caught Paula coming back from her attemptive escape.
When Paula came back she was one angry teenager more angry than usual and Jessica thinking I could have her spared plotted to befriend me knowing her part in Paula's return and her ultimate punishment in the end. Jessica cozied up with me like we were instant best friends and Melina knew her guise of friendship was in fact her using Melina as a human shield when Paula did find out she snitched on her.
Jessica underestimated the relationship Melina had with Paula as she knew how Paula would react with her hanging out with a snitch. If she tolerated her sisters snitch she was as good as beaten to a bloody pulp as well. Paula had no love or remorse for hurting Melina . Melina had seen this too many times before.
Paula went to school like nothing happened and Jessie followed Melina off the bus like she was a shield and didn't see Paula behind her until it was to late and she stepped off the bus at the group home as Paula flew into a rage and began jumping jessica . Melina saw this happening and felt her need to stop this because she jumped her for not only snitching on her but because she pinched herself into her sister.
I turned back thinking I could help and Paula sent me away ." Go just go this isn't none of your business." She said as she beat Jessica until she cried as she poke fun at her and taunted her for crying . Melina saw how Paula played with others and it was cruel and relentless and never ending . Paula was a viper and she struck fast and with perscision . Paula was dangerous and she knew she was and often she would captiolize her out of control nature to get away with picking fights with other girls and being down right just messy about things.
To Paula if she was going to pay the price for it later she was going to get her licks in it and make it well worth the effort for her troubles. Sure Melina should have warned Jessica about her plan she had using her to secure herself from Paula ,but to be honest would Jessica even listened to her or even believed her at all. Her warning would have done nothing but spread up the time frame of her beating from a calculating girl who had a grudge against her already.
After Paula's bad attempt to be selfish I returned to school with scorn on my heart . My forced boyfriend Jim did his dutiful job at being my lack of a better word plutonic boyfriend. He and I never kissed. Rarely held hands and only hung out during lunch and school events . We never went on dates. We never acted like a boyfriend and girlfriend . We really just knew each other but never really talked about anything in particular in order to consider it an actual relationship.
On my past day and f school I joined the soccer team where I was good at playing soccer . As I came around the back door to go find my cheerleader friend named Hannah whom I became aquanted with our time on little league cheerleading. I came around to tell her we needed to go to get ready for soccer practice and there it was.
Hannah and Jim kissing and his hand was up her shirt. Sure we were plutonic and I had no intentions being a normal girlfriend as it didn't matter to me he had his hand up another girl's shirt as I didn't care either way as I said before I didn't have the time to care for anyone at the moment. The simple fact it was one of my good friends and my boyfriend together,which bby the way he offered no apologies for his transgressions against me.
Hannah followed me trying to apologize for what happened between her and Jim. I didn't care. The fact she looked in my face and persueed a friendship with me then persued my boyfriend instead of being a true friend. There were certain unwritten rules that girls followed and this was a big NO NO. This was grounds for her no longer reaching the requirements to be considered my friend anymore.
After my refusal of her apology Hannah did not return to school for six grade year. During this time the group home had opened their doors to the onsite chapel we had on the ranch. Although we went to church in sylacaga. We had a private chapel for Christmas programs and holiday gatherings .
We allowed an up and come Christian band come and play for us as many people did charitable things for the youth groups . This was where I met my next potential adoption family. The drummer took a shine to me as he was an only child of seventeen and his parents were old and they always wanted a daughter one day. So during the summer I was taken with the drummer to his family to spend the summer at their home.
When I got there it was strange. I had my own room and even though me and him rarely spoke he did introduce me to the bands puddle of mud and a few Christian bands he liked. This was the first time I listened to something that was considered Christian alternative music. Before my music choices was either country music like Garth brooks ,Billy Ray Cyrus, or Micheal Bolton. Or when my roommate would listen to their music either Keith sweat, hootie and the blowfish, or LL cool J . On the occasion Tupac .
My sister Paula would listen to alternative music like all American rejects or bush . When she was clearly the fan girl type convinced with the silly motion that these bands leaders were going to marry her as I knew that such childish logic was for girls that only could dream and and denied the reality of it all.
I knew in my head that these boy bands and artist couldn't care less if they had a secret admirer pretending somewhere that they had a small chance in the fantasy they had created. I knew this logic and lived by it. I knew I grew up too fast and knew even more. I knew things no twelve year old child should ever know.
While I was at this home . I felt alone as I also adopted the logic that no matter how many homes I was allowed to visit and have a taste of a normal life I onew the truth I would never be allowed to have this life because of Paula. I wouldn't never be rid of her as she is the shackle of my life. Many of my opportunities was squandered because they met me and love to make me a permanent member of their family until they met her and then I was back in the group home with nowhere to go because of Paula .
This family introduced me to other families in their church and I could feel myself being wanted . Being able to live normally if it was only for three months at least. The people here didn't treat me like a melt down waiting to happen, or a future prisoner of America. They didn't treat me like a damaged delinquent. I actually made friends that didn't ask about my past not like I would tell them.
I also began to have a little more faith in Jesus as all the children I was allowed to play with was from the same church family. This was also the time how I realized what I looked like to boys. Especially adolescent boys. I had met the older brother of a friend I had made and he was always around his sister and me. I knew my body looked mature and I had filled out to be taller and curvier than most twelve year olds .
The way this fifteen year old boy looked at me I understood all too well. He didn't make any effort in him hiding what he thought of me either . You could say with the small amount of time I had here and the reality that I couldn't see him until I came back the next summer he tried to spend as much time as he could with me with some light petting of interested like of each other.
It was a Fourth of July party that was where I had my first true kiss that wasn't forced on me against my will . This was the first time I had been allowed to be introduced to the opposite sex without restrictions placed on me by my house parents.
He was sweet to me and I was absolutely unprepared or confused about what was going on ,but on the last night I was at this summer home I received my first real kiss by a boy who barely knew me and the brother to a friend I made . I think I needed that reassurance of my need in this world.
I wouldn't say I saw fireworks going off even though it was the fourth of July and there was fireworks present . But as we were alone by the pool as he kissed me . Then as soon as it happened it was over as he threw me over his shoulders and threw me into the pool afterwards. I was so confused how we went from being sweet and alone with each other to me being throne in the pool. Then I realized it was because the party had migrated to the pool where we were and he didn't want people to know what him and I was doing alone by the pool.
This small memory of normalcy made a huge impact of me when I finally returned to the group home and when I was due to start sixth grade. It was a perfect end to my fifth grade year and the beginning of my sixth grade year.