Chapter 21: Deep

I closed my eyes and kissed him back, my fingers tangling in the thick hair at the nape of his neck as I pulled him closer, desperate to anchor myself to something real. It wasn't just a kiss; it was a whirlwind, a frantic collision of "almosts" and "might-have-beens" that had been building since we first crossed the border. For a glorious, heart-stopping moment, the world outside our embrace ceased to exist. There were no obsidian spires, no looming kings, and no impending wars. There was only the heat of his breath against my skin and the frantic, heavy rhythm of my heart drumming against his chest. I wanted to lose myself in him, to let the fire of the moment burn away the shadows of my past and the lies of my present.

But the shadows were stronger, and they had teeth.

Suddenly, I pulled away, the shock of the cold night air hitting my flushed face like a physical blow. I gasped, my eyes snapping open as a wave of pure, unadulterated panic surged through my veins. The image of Zion’s dark, searching eyes flashed behind my eyelids, making me feel like a traitor to a man I was supposed to be betraying anyway.

"Karlos," I said, my voice trembling and thin as I struggled to find my breath.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hands hovering in the air where I had just been. He searched my face, his own expression a devastating mix of raw longing and immediate worry. "Did I do something—did I overstep?"

"No, you didn't. I assure you," I replied, shaking my head frantically, my hair whipping against my cheeks.

"Then what is it? You were right there with me, Diana."

I stepped back, my boots crunching on the dry leaves. I whispered softly, "I can't do this. I can't be this for you."

He took a slow, deliberate step back, the silence between us growing heavy and suffocating. "Diana... answer me truly. Do you care for Zion?"

I let out a sharp, incredulous scoff, rolling my eyes as I tried to summon the mask of the cold-hearted spy. "No, never. I hate him with every fiber of my being. He is the cage, Karlos. He is the reason I can’t breathe."

"Then are you scared of me hurting you?"

I looked at him—really looked at him. The firelight carved out the honesty in his face. He was a man who wanted the horizon, the stars, and the beautiful unknown. I was a girl who wanted the soil of my home beneath my feet and the quiet faces of the parents I had left behind. I stood up, looming over him for a brief, flickering second before he rose to meet me, his height usually a comfort, now a reminder of how much space he took up in my heart.

"Diana," he began, his voice steady and low. "I promise you that I will never intentionally hurt you for the rest of my days. I would rather break my own sword."

"It’s not the intentional acts I worry about," I replied, my voice barely a whisper.

"But," he continued, catching and holding my gaze with a fierce intensity, "I cannot promise that I will never hurt you at all. I am human, Diana. I will make mistakes. I will stumble, and I will say the wrong things. But I promise to spend every day after showing you how sorry I am. Words are nothing, but I will give you my actions until the day I die."

"Karlos, you are mistaken. You didn't harm me just now. You were... perfect."

"Then why did you pull away like I was a flame?"

"I care for you. I truly do," I said, the truth aching like a physical wound in my throat.

"But what?"

"But I have never trusted anyone outside of my family. And Bran... he's all I have left of that world." I felt the first hot tear track down my cheek, hot and shameful. "These feelings... they’re overwhelming. They’re a distraction I can’t afford. We are pulling in opposite directions, Karlos. You want to see the world, and I just want to find my way back to the start."

"I can give that up," he said fiercely, reaching for my hand and squeezing. "I’ll give up the road. I'll give up the sea. I’ll give it all up just to be the one who stands beside you."

"But you shouldn’t!" I shouted, the sound echoing through the quiet hollow and startling a nearby owl. I stepped back, out of his reach. "You shouldn't have to kill a part of your soul just to stand beside mine. You'd end up hating me for the walls I put around you."

"Diana, that is my choice to make, not yours. Don't decide my sacrifices for me."

I let out a long, defeated sigh, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "I have a mission to complete. I cannot have you following me back to Silvermere out of a sense of duty or a fleeting spark born in the woods. I won't be your reason for staying if it eventually makes you resent the very air you breathe."

"But its my choice, not yours."

I looked at him through blurred vision, my heart breaking for the boy who had always been my anchor. "Promise me you’ll think about it. Really think about what it means to stop running."

He gave a slow, solemn nod, his jaw set. "I promise."

"If, when the time comes and the maps are found, you choose to go with me for the right reasons... then we’ll see where this path leads. Friendship, or... something more."

"And if I can't prove otherwise?" he asked softly, the vulnerability in his voice nearly undoing me.

"Then I shall go my way, and you shall go yours. We will part as unlikely friends, and I will carry the memory of you until my last breath."

A weak, sad smile touched his lips, bittersweet and haunting. "Then it’s a deal."