Jason

It's summer now. School ended last week and I don't have any plans. Ellie and I had planned to spend nearly everyday together. Some of the time I find myself sitting at her grave. It's decorated with flowers and other outdoor decorations. I'd spend hours sitting there.

I squat in front of her stone and I kiss it.

Tears fall from my face and I stand up and wipe my eyes. I walk back to my car and slump into my seat. I take a deep breath and start it. My phone starts to vibrate and the caller ID pops up on the dashboard. Nikki's calling. I clear my throat and hit the answer button on my steering wheel.

"H-hello?" I say.

"Hey! What are you up to today?" She asks.

"Um, nothing special." I say.

"Wanna come to the beach with two of my friends and me?"

"When?" I ask.

"Right now! We're here now. I can meet you by the food hut."

"Uh, yeah. That sounds good. I'll be there in a little bit." I say.

"Are you okay? You sound like you've been crying."

"Accurate." I answer with a slight chuckle.

"Alright, come. We'll talk about it when you get here if you want, okay?"

I nod although she can't see it.

"I'll see you in a bit."

I hang up and start driving. Once I get to the beach, I see Nikki standing there waiting for me. She looks up from her phone and spots me and starts jogging over. She's wearing a lime green bikini top on and her belly button's pierced. Damn.

"Hey!" She said with a smile and gave me a hug.

I hug her back and smile.

"Come!" She takes me by the arm and we go to her friends on the beach.

Two of her friends are sitting on beach chairs with sunglasses on, sipping from their cups. They look over at me and they both smile.

One girl has a blue bathing suit on with black hair. I recognize her as Becca Hernandez. The other has a pink bathing suit on and she has blonde curly hair, Shannon Flynn. Shannon takes her sunglasses off and her green eyes look at me.

"Hey, Jay!" she says.

I half smiled and did a small wave. I sit down on the empty beach chair next to Nikki. Becca reaches into the cooler next to her and pulls out a can, pops the tab and pours it into a cup and hands it to me.

"You look like you can use one." She says.

"Thanks. What is it?" I ask.

"White Claw." Becca answers.

I nod and take a sip. I feel the heat from the sun so I sit forward and take off my shirt. The girls all look over and stare at me.

"Woah! Holy abs!" Shannon says.

"You've been hiding that under your shirt this entire time?!" Becca asked.

Nikki chuckles. "Guys, leave him alone."

"I'll be blessed if you're my friend." Becca said, looking back at the water.

I smile shyly and put my keys next to my shirt. I take my shoes and socks off and put my feet in the sand. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I check the screen. Cody sent me a text asking where I am. I type back and let him know I'm okay. Cody checks in on me about 50 times a day which is a little excessive since my attempt. I put my phone back in my pocket.

"So, um... who are you guys dating?" I ask.

"Nobody," they all say in unison.

"Why? Does one of us catch your attention?" Shannon asks, tipping her sunglasses and raising an eyebrow.

"I just don't want boyfriend drama. I don't want them thinking I'm trying to steal his girl. It's the last thing I need right now." I say.

"Oh, I totally get it. But no, we're all single. No point in dating when boys are douchebags."

"How old are you?" Becca asks.

"He's in our grade, Bec." Nikki says.

"So 17? When is your birthday?" Becca asks.

"June." I answer.

"It passed? We gotta celebrate" she says.

She looks at Jay and tips her glasses down.

"Wait? What color are your eyes?" She asked.

"Green."

"You're not a real person," she shakes her head.

"So what are your plans this summer, Jay? Going to any parties to hook up?" Shannon asks.

"Nah, I ain't that kind of guy." I say.

"So he's cute, has a nice body, has pretty eyes and he's not a fuck boy. Where did you find him, Nik?" Shannon asks Nikki.

I blush and Nikki giggles.

"He was in my math class."

She gets quiet for a minute and she whispers, "He was with Ellie."

Shannon and Becca's jaws drop and they lean forward.

"Oh, shit." Becca says.

"Jay, I'm so sorry." Shannon said.

"Thanks," I say quietly.

The vibe got weird and everyone got silent until I broke it.

"Are any of you coming to Cody's party tonight?" I ask.

"Oh, for sure. Another hottie," Shannon melts.

"They're best friends." Nikki says.

"Jesus take the wheel. This just keeps getting better and better. " Becca shouts.

"We can all go together, if you want?" Shannon says to me.

"Well, I live a block away from him, so I'm probably gonna walk."

"Oh, okay."

The girls get into a conversation about their outfits for the party. Just listening to them go back and forth, and make fun of each other was amusing. I stayed quiet most of the time, staring at the ocean. I watch the waves, I watch the seagulls fly, I watch kids play in the sand, I watch men on their surfboards.

Then I pull out of my thoughts and look over at Nikki and her friends, and notice she's looking at me with caring eyes. She knows I'm not okay.

I'm trying so hard to be. I'm trying to accept Ellie's death. I'm trying to be a better man. I'm so tired of hurting. My stomach is in knots everyday knowing I'm living my life and Ellie isn't.

7:30 rolls around and I made it to Cody's house for his summer party. His parents go away for a month every summer and trust Cody and his brother Michael to look after the house.

Cody, like me, grew up wealthy. Not rich, but we live in nice houses and drive nice cars.

I'm sitting in one of the chairs with my drink and someone sneaks up behind me and puts their hands over my eyes. I reach up and touch the hand. It's soft and the scent of cotton candy drifts into my nose.

"Guess who?" She says.

"Nikki." I say.

"Shit, I gotta get better at this."

She takes her hands off my eyes and comes in front of me and squats down into a hug. She looks around and spots someone she knows.

"I'll be right back," she says.

Hours later, I get involved into a drunken conversation with Cody, Tyler, Shannon, Nikki and Becca as other party goers are conversing, playing drinking games and using the pool.

"I feel like I dressed so slutty tonight." Nikki says.

"Nicolina, you do not look slutty." Becca says loudly.

"Listen, Rebecca. I said I feel I dressed it. Not that I am."

"Your name is Nicolina?" I asked.

"Yeah," she smiles.

"That's actually really beautiful." I say.

"Do you have a middle name?" Nikki asks.

"Anthony."

"Jason Anthony."  She says, running it on her lips.

"Let's go play beer pong!" Becca says.

"The table opened up."

"You guys go ahead, I'll be right here." Nikki says.

Shannon and Becca run over to the table. Nikki groans.

"I actually have to break the seal. Cody, where's your bathroom?"

"First hallway in the kitchen, make a right and it's the second door on your right." He says.

"Thanks," Nikki smiles.

"Wash your hands!" Tyler says.

"Always." She says, turning back.

"Bro, that soap in your bathroom smells amazing." Tyler tells Cody.

Cody goes into a whole conversation about the soap in his bathroom while I drift off into thought.

Last time I sat here, Ellie was next to me. We'd be socializing all over the yard. We'd be in the pool, playing chicken. We'd be playing beer pong and flip cup. Now, I'm just sitting and not participating in anything. I became unsociable. That missing piece is Ellie, and now I don't have her, I have no motivation to try.

And then the thought of going to California with Nikki seems like a good idea. Maybe I do need to get away. Maybe I need to reset my thoughts. Maybe I need to get Ellie off my mind. I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing, making the right choices.

My phone buzzes and snaps me out of my thoughts. I look down at it and see it's a text from Nikki.

Nikki: SOS

Nikki: 911

Nikki: Please help me. This guy is being super creepy.

I stand up and walk to the house and make my way through the crowds of people. I find Nikki with her back against the wall, eyes terrified as this 5'9" dude is standing over her, with his arm outstretched behind her against the wall. She keeps looking away from him, but he keeps forcing her to look at him by putting his index and thumb under her chin. He then uses that same hand and grabs at her chest. I see red and I bolt towards him, grab him by the shoulders and throw him back. He looks at me surprised and then narrows his eyes. Benny Howard.

"What the fuck, dude? Don't be a cock block." He says.

"Back off, dude. She's not interested."

"With an outfit like that, she sure looks it. She's basically begging for it." He laughs.

I throw him against the wall.

"So because she's wearing a skirt and a crop top, that means she's fucking asking for it? No. It does not. Back the fuck away." I seethe.

Benny chuckles and then walks away. I look over at Nikki. Nikki is breathing out of control. I go over to her and look her over.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah," she said, voice shaking.

"Come here," I said, taking her hand and leading her up to Cody's room.

On his bed, is my backpack. I open the zipper and pull out a tshirt and my baseball sweatpants and hand them to her.

"Change into these. I'll wait for you in the hallway." I say.

She takes them and looks at me with unsure eyes. I do as I said I would, and wait in the hallway.

She comes out minutes later, with my shirt and pants on, looking messy but cute, holding her outfit. She walks in front of me as I guide her down the stairs and outside back to Tyler and Cody.

"Yo, you need to do something about Benny. He's being creepy." I said to Cody.

Cody looks at me surprised. He puts both hands on the arm rests of the chair and shoots up and goes looking for Benny with Tyler.

Nikki sits down next to me.

"Thank you," she says, taking a deep breath.

"Parties aren't supposed to be scary. You shouldn't have to change what you're wearing because of shitfucks like him."

"I'm seeing lots of sides to you lately. I'm kinda surprised." Nikki says.

"Does it scare you?" I asked.

"No, not at all. It's just nice seeing another man stand up to another."

"We're not all douchebags, Nikki." I say.

"Yo, Jay! Michael is taking another beer run. Wanna go with him?" Tyler asks.

"Yeah, I'll go." I answer.

I look back at Nikki.

"I'll be back soon. Tyler and Cody will be here, so stick by them."

Nikki nods and looks down at her phone. Cody comes back over.

"I threatened to deck him if he didn't leave. He did." Cody shrugs.

I nod with approval and walk to the front yard.