Kindness
After I refused to go see my father in prison my mother went on the deep end and began to be really mean about things as she didn't like I told on her letting us see our dad when he wasn't supposed to see us as she knew minor children would fall under the radar as only the parent would sign in to see the prisoner. After that happened and they told her I couldn't see him anymore and we all stopped going to the prison to see him it was like she gave up on life .
Like she stopped caring what happened to us as she stopped shopping and she wasn't home most nights and I was left alone in the house a lot with my two sisters as they took off after my mom left for the night . She come back in to get ready for work without saying a word to any of us as my sisters often locked me outside the house where I was forced to sleep in the cars in our driveway . Some nights I would sleep inside the house others nights outside in a car as jokes would often be made about the fact I liked to sleep in cars which in reality I had no choice.
Most days I would take up and get on the school bus as the kids would tell me I stank and call me Medusa as my hair was always in knots as I barley made it to fifth grade year as it would get way worse then it would get better.
Even though I was going through all of this suffering at home my heart reached out to help the less fortunate . My fifth grade year I met a kindred soul like me as there was a boy I saw sitting in lunch as he would eat entire oranges and bananas peel and all even though I thought it was strange thing to see i understood someone else pain and cry for help if I ever saw one.
He was a tall lanky boy always had pelants that were too short and too tight and his shoes were broken with tape holding it together . He wore a puffy jacket that was torn that he never took off and one collared shirt he wore every day . He didn't talk much but he would always have his backpack with him and I would see him sneaking apples and oranges and juice boxes and water bottles from the lunch plate on the daily.
I understood this action as I was also taking food home in my pockets to eat since my mom stopped coming home and shopping for food for us. I would sneak fruit and breads in my bag so I could fight away the hunger at night. I looked at him as I could tell he was the oldest as he had younger sibblings he would help feed as this was his only meal of the day as it was also mine so I saw him clearer when noone else saw.
I didn't have much to give but I did gather a bag of clothes that wasn't covered in graffiti from my sister perverted art work and some jackets I couldn't fit and some pants and shoes that were gender neutral as I didn't know what gender his sibblings were . I couldn't fit them anymore and I brought it to him as he looked grateful for it as we silently ate lunch together as no words were needed between our pain. I would give him my portion of left over food as I knew he had sibblings at home as I was only feeding myself when I took the food home.
I could wait to eat when I got to school the next day . His little sibblings couldn't do the same. This mutual understanding went on for three months before one day he never came back to school as I collected apples and oranges all week for his return and then realized he was taken to the system and my heart hurt for his path as I knew it all too well.
We didn't talk. We didn't really know a lot about each other. I suppose we knew each other was struggling at home and needed help without asking for help. We would just sit and eat and trade foods and survive. That's exactly what we were doing surviving. He didn't care the clothes and shoes looked girly or not. He was happy to have clothes that fit and he was grateful for the extra portions of food I gave him never expecting a thank you or any favors in return. I suppose I just knew he needed more help than me.
When he didn't return i felt terrible I never knew his name as he was just familiar to me and no words or introductions could explain how we filled each other's time with silence and understanding. I suppose it's true that damaged souls recognizes other damaged souls and something wakes the survival inside of us.
When he left I went back to normal as I had no more reason to find comfort in his silence as it felt weird he was gone . No names were presented but I knew his soul if that makes sense. A week later I came home as we had the water shut off as my mother couldn't afford to pay the mortgage note and the bills as one month we would have water and lights the next month no water and lights the next month no lights and water.
When we didn't have water I would take a large military canteen the was five gallons I found in our basement as I would steal water from the neighbor next door when she wasn't home as she was the worst kind of nosy neighbor as she was always fussing about everything. One day she caught me trying to steal water as she came home early and she took me inside as my sisters ran off already and I was the only one home . I came in and she was making crafted Christmas angels as she asked me to help her make it as her dog who was old named Timmy sat by the fireplace.
It was nice to be inside a warm house and be given food to help her while she watched me asking questions about my mother but I kept my mouth shut as I knew it be worse if I spoke up. I think this neighbor knew I was alone and she was watching over me as I was always alone . This went on a while everytime she saw me she would tell me to come inside and we would make crafts and I would help her deliver them to stores.
My mom didn't care I was gone and where I was and whose car i was riding in as long as I went to school and didn't die it wasn't her problem. Because I was living like this my grades begin to slip as I was constantly falling asleep in class as I had to stay awake to make sure I didn't miss the bus for school and to help my sister get on the bus even though they hopped in cars with boys as soon as they got off the bus wasn't my problem. I was just supposed to make sure they got to school not stay there.
At age ten now I had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders . I would often fall asleep on the bus ride and mastered sleeping on a bus and in a classroom . My only meals were at school and I slept only when I was at school or on the bus. I was tired. I was hungry. I was carrying the weight of the world on my ten year old shoulders as I was just trying to survive .